Conversations on Love & Sex: My Response

Disclaimer- Please note that I have asked the person who wrote the piece that inspired this Post for permission to use their original work as a reference; however for several reasons I have decided to keep their identity anonymous. Please feel free to leave your questions, comments, or concerns below!

If you are a loyal reader of my blog, you have probably noticed that most of my entries are based on my personal experiences. However, I realize that that sometimes the personal experiences of others can impact us in powerful ways and that we can learn so much from what the people around us go through on a daily basis.

I am writing this entry in response to something that I read a few days ago, something that someone I consider a friend was brave enough to write and share.

Whether or not you can relate, I truly believe there is a lesson for us all in the experience of my dear friend!

**ORIGINAL POST**

Long Beach Scowlface

Romanian “Ben”

Interior Designer

Big Booty Camacho

Import Export Irishman

Jeff “I like old men”

Buck Tooth Pinoy

Valley Stream Quickie

Coach Slurpie

Rockville Centre Vampire

Nasty Franklin Square Gomba

DL Lace Panties

Little Shitty Bottom

Chelsea Pisces

East Meadow Italian

Above the Golden Krust Boy

Seaford Smut

Central Islip Hot Mess

Matteo

Jun Wang

Dominican Hair Stylist

Yankee Boy

Hewlett Artsy

Manny

Karl the German

Sultry Antique Collector

So if you haven’t guessed already this is a list of men, I have had sexual intercourse with. First and foremost, I am not bragging, I wish I would have done things differently. Many of the guys on this list, weren’t important to me, broke my heart and promised me love in return for sex. Having so many partners was also very risky. I used protection most of the time, but a condom can't protect you from all STDs. Realizing this I got tested every 4 months and Praise God, I haven't contracted HIV.

When I was complying this list my heart sank, I consistently sold myself short. None of the people on this list deserved me. All of these individuals have a piece of me, pieces that I can’t take back. I also didn't realize how quickly I had accumulated all these notches on my bed post. I didn't love myself enough to do different. I wanted attention and affection and traded sex for maybe 30 minutes of someone's attention.

Whore, Slut and Skank are the words we call people who have slept around. Trust me people who sleep around don’t need your judgment, they need your help. They need to know that they have worth and value. They must come to realize that sex is more than just an exchange of embraces, hickies and body fluids.

Those 26 names don’t define me, I made mistakes but I’m not a mistake. I’m so ready to make right decisions in the future.

**End**

Reading this and hearing some of the things other people have had to say in response, has had me thinking about a lot of different things.

Because I don’t live under a rock, and because I have had this conversation on several different occasions with numerous people I am fully aware that casual sex for some is simply just that “casual”. Which very often leads me think that some people have not realized or ignore the fact “that sex is more than just an exchange of embraces, hickies and body fluids”. However for some sex/casual sex is more than just “casual” more than “just an exchange of embraces, hickies and body fluids”. Whether or not they recognize it, for some casual sex is the result of low self esteem, fear of commitment, abuse, a need for attention, lack of self love, or something deeper than a need for just a few moments of pleasure.

As human beings we all crave attention and love, as a result aware or unaware we do things to get the attention and love we are sometimes disparately in need of. Sadly, sometimes our efforts become misguided, and hurt us more than they help us. As a result of our misguided need for attention and love we find ourselves in situations that cause us to reevaluate some of the things we do on a daily basis.

What I appreciate so much about the piece that my friend wrote is that it speaks to a process, a process we all go through. A process that is dependent on where we are mentally and emotionally. The process we all go through as we discover “Self Love”. From an early age we are taught and shown how to love others, but so very often or elders fail to teach and show us the importance of self love.

We all have things that keep us from truly loving, and appreciating ourselves. Things that include but are not limited to broken relationships, lying, family, friends, the media, and our physical appearance. For my friend it took 26 meaningless sexual encounters to realize the importance of "Self Love" and his/her lack of it . As we get ready to start a new year I urge you all to think critically about what it is that is keeping you from truly appreciating and loving YOU.

*** However you decide to conduct yourself sexually be Smart, and most importantly BE SAFE**